Whod you bang
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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