You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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