I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
