On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
