I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
