Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
