i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
