It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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