her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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