My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
