I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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