Only a mothe r could love this liver
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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