So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize