Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
