I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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