just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
