I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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