that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
