god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
