yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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