I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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