Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
