I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it penis luge time yet?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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