I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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