Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
