And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
