my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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