Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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