I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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