R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
