We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
