YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
