my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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