The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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