Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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