I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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