I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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