I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
