Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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