he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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