Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
