Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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