there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
