At least make sure they are 18
Why
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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