I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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