you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
