Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
