I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
