That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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