i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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