and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
