why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
