This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
