..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
