were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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