onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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