Whod you bang
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
