i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
