How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
