it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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