I could make wine with my vomit
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
