don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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