Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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