It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
