just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
