i just wanna soil my oats bro
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize