i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
