the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
