found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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