Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
