Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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