Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am spending my child support on dildos
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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