Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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