he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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